Combat the Effects of Divorce on Children:

in Children

DIVORCE:if professionals today demonstrated that same kind of accountability as Greek engineers, standing beneath (or behind) their work and their word! Instead, the traditional system of divorce engenders a "cover your ass" attitude. Deflecting blame and denying responsibility are commonplace techniques within the system of traditional divorce. I said earlier that this isn't a story about if and onlys. Now I take that back: When it comes to legal excuse-making, if onlys are epidemic.

  1. If only we'd ended up with a ifferent judge.
  2. If only your spouse wasn't such a manipulator.
  3. If only the opposing lawyer could have convinced your spouse to see things more clearly.
  4. If only I"'d seen that affidavit coming.

If only I hadn't accidentally sent your private notes to opposing counsel.

If, during your divorce, you decide to hire a lawyer, don't do so with any illusions that the system will own its part when things go sideways. If a lawyer's advice has disastrous consequences or, as I experienced, a lawyer's gaffe spawns a whole new set of legal woes, the costs of cleanup will fall squarely on your bill. My lawyer's misstep in providing opposing counsel with my rough notes concerning the causes of divorce and a possible settlement precipitated a breach of contract lawsuit from my ex-husband and his lawyer. Not only did this put me through yet another legal wringer, it inflated my already astronomical legal fees. In such cases, isn't it reasonable to expect a lawyer to step up and say, "Wow, did I ever blunder! I'm turning off the clock until I set things straight again.

Much of what people say could be taken one step further to a discussion of the systemic change that's needed in the process of divorce. There, old habits die hard indeed, and although many who operate within the system recognize its deeply en grained flaws, the status quo barrels stubbornly forward.  One of Covey's most powerful statements is "Accountability breeds response-ability. Commitment and involvement produce change." The Fair Process to divorce is truly responsive: It has pure empathy for the emotional turbulence each of the parties is experiencing, and it responds with a methodology that's kinder and quicker, and one that turns despair into hope for the future. A fair approach to divorce is accountable for bringing people to a mutually agreed-upon resolution as quickly as possible.

Combat the Effects of Divorce on Children:the effects of divorce on children can impact every aspect of their life. It can cause them to develop behavioral problems, it can impact their ability to develop healthy relationships and it can create emotional and mental illnesses. These negative effects can happen to children of all ages, even adult children. If you want to protect your children from these negative effects of divorce then you need to use strategies that are appropriate for your child's age. Here is some advice on how to handle children and divorce.You may think that very young children are the most vulnerable to the effects of divorce, however, you may be surprised at how resilient they can be as long as you provide them with security and continuity. These two things are critically important during this stage of your child's development because this is when they are developing their attachment styles.

If you don't take steps to protect your child from excessive disruption to their normal schedule during and after your divorce, or if you deny them access to both parents under calm and relaxed conditions, then your young child may develop an unhealthy attachment style that the rest of the relationships in their life will be based on. 
Pre-adolescent children have the ability to understand what divorce is and they also have the capability to handle the added responsibilities of helping the family unit to remain successful after the divorce. To help your pre-adolescent children to adjust to your divorce you need to talk to them and reassure them that the divorce is not their fault, that both of their parents still love them and that you want to know how they feel about things. 
If your kids are having a hard time expressing their emotions then you may want to utilize non-verbal forms of communication like play acting and art projects. 
Adolescents are very vulnerable to the effects of divorce. This is because their emotional development has entered a period where they feel very isolated from the world and they feel the pain of divorce deeply. 
Adolescents also have a tendency to carry the emotional and psychological pain of divorce with them throughout their lives. Because of this you really need to work with your teens to help them adjust to the changes caused by divorce in a positive manner. This may mean that you will need to visit with a family counselor together to work things out. 
While most literature on divorce deals with the effects of divorce on children and on adolescents, there is relatively little information about the effects of divorce on adult children and how you can help them to deal with the changes caused by divorce. 
Adult children feel just as estranged and hurt by their parents' divorce as minor children do. Because of this you may want to talk with your adult children to help them work their way through their grief about your divorce. Because they are adults you can engage them in a reasonable discussion about why the divorce is happening and you can also discuss the positive side of the divorce.


Food | Gift | Relationship

Author Box
kashif has 1 articles online

Food | Gift | Relationship

Add New Comment

Combat the Effects of Divorce on Children:

Log in or Create Account to post a comment.
Security Code: Captcha Image Change Image
This article was published on 2011/04/18
New Articles